Questions: What if I still have doubts?
As a Dallas Cowboys fan I know what it is like to live with doubts. Every year on paper the Cowboys look like they should be a Super Bowl team – and every year they disappoint me. I still don’t understand how a team can have a top ten offense and a top fifteen defense yet still choke every year when it comes to making the Playoffs. I always joke that you are a true Cowboy fan when the team is ahead by thirty five points in the fourth quarter but you know deep down that you can still lose the game. And here is the thing: I imagine the Cowboys could win five Super Bowls in a row and I would still have doubts concerning the next season.
As a Christian, sometimes I feel the very same way. I think of how some doubts still hide in the depths of my soul even when I feel so connected with Christ. I shutter at the truth that I still question God moving – noting I still don’t have complete faith when I pray. I think of the questions that I still have – the fear that envelopes me when I don’t fully understand how it all works. I admit I am bearing my soul to everyone reading this in hopes that this may relate to you. Does that mean I am not a Christian? Do these doubts mean that my faith is a fallacy? I wanted to end this series on this question: What if I still have doubts?
I feel we could look at many different aspects of this question. We could argue that part of being a creation instead of a Creator automatically assumes that we won’t understand every aspect of our faith. We could argue that it is not all about understanding but instead based on a relationship. We could equate this to any other relationship that we have – I don’t always understand everything Holly does and question different decisions she makes (as I promise she also does with me) but because I love her my doubts don’t really matter. I could look at many different aspects of our final question but I feel that the Bible itself gives the best answer that I could possibly come up with.
In Mark 9 we read an incredible account of Jesus’ encounter with a man that is in dire need of Jesus’ help. The man’s son has been sick from early childhood. We read that a spirit has been seizing the boy for a long period of time – throwing him into fires and causing him to foam at the mouth. The father is desperate – he needs help. He first approaches Jesus’ disciples and they can not cast out the demon. As Jesus approaches the father throws himself at Jesus’ feet and waits for Jesus to speak to him. Jesus asked the father about his boy and the father replies with this simple statement – “if You can do anything, have compassion on us and help us.” (Mark 9:22b)
I relate to the father of the boy in this instance. I pray for others but I let my doubts guide my prayers. I state: “God, if you can, heal my mom.” “God, if you can, give my wisdom.” We continue to state: God, if….And that is why I love Jesus’ reply. He simply says: “If you can? Everything is possible to the one who believes.” (Mark 9:23) I feel like sometimes Jesus says the same regarding my doubts – He looks at me and says: “Why do you doubt? Why do you limit me? Everything is possible to the one who believes.”
Oh, how I love the father of the boy. He gives the answer that everyone of us prays. He replies to Jesus in a very honest way by stating: “I do believe! Help my unbelief.”(Mark 9:24) I have prayed this same prayer many times – have you? “God I believe, but help my unbelief!” I can’t think of any prayer better to end this series!
What I mean is that we will always have questions. We may always have some doubts. But as we draw close to Christ these things simply don’t matter. As we continue to dive into knowing Him more – understanding more about His character and His plan for our lives – we see that those doubts start falling away. And as I come to grasp more about Him – as I come to know Him more – I understand that my doubts are minuscule compared to the vastness of my God. I suppose what I am trying to get across is that my questions don’t worry God.
God understands my limitations. He understands my struggles. He knows every aspect of my soul – my deepest fears and my hidden doubts. He is not surprised by any of this – and guess what? He loves me regardless. When I understand this my life changes drastically. My faith isn’t about all the intellectual answers I can give regarding the questions we have gone over but instead is all about resting in a very real relationship that I have with the only true God. I can pray as the father did for God to help my unbelief simply because I know that God loves me and wants to help me see Him more. He only asks that I trust and have faith as He continues to reveal Himself to me.
Thus I end this series with encouragement to rest in your relationship with Christ. Know that the questions you have regarding your faith have very real answers but more than that – rest in the fact that God loves you. Because when you understand that fact above all else, your questions disappear and you can stand in the truth that you are His son or daughter and that He loves you more than you could ever know.
